Did you know that 50% of men who are actively dating use online dating sites? Yet, many men say they still prefer meeting women in real life because it feels more natural.
The problem? Many women don’t know how to position themselves to be approachable.
You don’t have to be the hottest woman in the room. You don’t have to be the “thickest”, tallest, skinniest, or most attractive. Yet, every week, men will consistently approach you if you follow this proven guide.
What’s the secret?
Be approachable, magnetic, and intriguing—without looking desperate.
This post will break down exactly how to do it so that you can get into action and connect with more men.
Number of Single Women to Men Changes Dating Dynamics
“In the United States, there are approximately 89.8 unmarried men for every 100 unmarried women, indicating a higher number of unmarried women than men” the US Census reports. It states that Washington, DC has the highest ratio of unmarried women to unmarried men (shown below).
Dating is a numbers game. The more men you meet, the better your chances of finding love.
Staying at home searching for singles on online dating sites like Bumble, Match dating, or Hinge dating makes it harder. Speed dating is another option; however, you’re limited to the small number of men at these events.
You increase your odds of meeting men in person, and this post is going to show you how to do it.
Keep an open mind and let’s get started!
1. Be Warm, Approachable, and Magnetic
Everyone is distracted.
Either they’re in a rush, texting on their cell phone, or walking with their head down. The problem is, if someone is interested in you, chances are that they won’t say anything to you if you’re doing any of these things.
Who wants to approach a stranger who’s busy doing something else? That opens them up for getting the side-eye, being yelled at, or being ignored completely.
Make it easy for men to approach you.
It would annoy Rochelle when people would say to her “You look mean.”
Rochelle is a busy, professional woman who has a lot to do.
She didn’t want to hear unsolicited opinions from people.
Over time, after a number of people told her the same thing – to smile – she finally took the hint.
Even though she had a lot on her plate, she started to slightly curl up the sides of her mouth.
Just that small change made a difference in how approachable she was.
Eventually it turned into a smile, and her eyes would light up too.
More men started to say, “Hello, you have a beautiful smile”.
That one change helped Rochelle’s dating life tremendously.
Unfortunately, this world operates from how people perceive you. Even if you’re a fun and sweet person, if it doesn’t show on your face, people won’t know.
If you’re not bubbly or outgoing, you can still get approached.
Make eye contact, say hello, and keep your head up when out in public. (Extra bonus if you crack a smile when you greet someone.)
You will be amazed how this opens you up to getting more looks and interest from men.
Exercise: Get comfortable with looking new people in the eye and saying a friendly, “Hello”.
2. Accentuate Your Goodies
Have you ever been out with a guy and caught him looking, even on the sly, at another women?
Men are visual creatures. It’s how they’re wired. (This is based on what men say.)
That is a good thing because if you highlight the features you love most about yourself, it not only makes you look more alluring, but you feel more confident.
– What do people compliment you on?
– What is unique about you?
For example, if you like your full lips, wear a neutral gloss to showcase them.
If you like your legs, wear skirts to show them off.
Love your chest? Wear v-neck tops that show just a little cleavage.
Have an area you’re not too confident about?
If you want to cover your tummy, wear material that grazes over the area, instead of fitting too tightly.
Trying to minimize your hips? Wear A-line dresses that lightly flow over your body.
To lengthen your waist, wear open tops/jackets that fall below your waist and bring the eye downward.
The point is to feature your assets that make you shine and cause you to feel good about yourself.
Exercise: Look at different style blogs online or Pinterest for fashion ideas. Don’t rush out to buy something and blow your budget before shopping in your closet first.
3. Put Yourself in the Right Places
Go Out Often
On average, only about 50% of single men have done online dating in the past. That means, in theory, you’ll never meet the other 50% of men who don’t date online.
Take into account people may let their dating site memberships lapse, plus there is no way you can see all of the available men on the site. In addition, there are thousands of women for men to see with just the swipe of a finger.
With that in mind, it increases your chances of meeting someone if you venture outside and meet men in person.
Plus, you get the added benefit of meeting them face-to-face, where you can feel their energy and vibe and know if there is chemistry. You figure out much faster if he is a match if you meet him in person vs. online.
Exercise: Make it a habit to get out of your place 3 – 4 times a week to meet men.
Go Where There’s Less Competition
Unpopular opinion: “Wine-down” events, R&B parties, paint-and-sips, lounges, etc. are magnets for women. There will be men there, but there will most likely be many more women.
When men have too many options to choose from, they don’t feel the urgency to approach. Instead, go places where the ratio works in your favor—it makes standing out effortless.
If there are a lot of women there:
He thinks to himself, “Oh, this one has a great butt.”
“But this one’s got nice legs.”
“This woman has beautiful eyes…which one do I talk to first?”
If you’re at an event where there are lesser women than men, the men don’t have as many options.
If you look and feel good, and you’re approachable, there’s a better chance that a man will approach you.
Exercise: Find 3 – 4 places/events that men mostly go to and visit them often. A lot of men won’t approach you the first or second time, but if they see you a few times, they will be more likely to ask for your number.
Go Virtually Everywhere Alone
Single women often go out together in groups laughing and talking with each other. However, many of them are out there to meet a guy too.
It’s harder for a man to approach you if you’re part of a group because:
- He doesn’t want to be embarrassed if you reject him
- He doesn’t want your friends to laugh at him
- He doesn’t want to disturb you while you’re with your friends
Of course, there are ways to encourage someone you like to come over to you while you’re with people, but it’s much easier if you’re by yourself.
Some women are cool with going out by themselves, but some could not imagine going to a bar, restaurant, lounge, or party solo.
Of course, take safety precautions, but try going out by yourself as often as you can.
I’ve gone to restaurants for dinner, and there are more attractive girls than me sitting there as a group.
I know that my chances go up significantly to get approached by a man because I’m enjoying my dinner alone.
Exercise: Take yourself out at least 2 times per week alone and enjoy your own company, without playing games, texting, or talking on your cell phone.
4. Master the Art of Stimulating Conversation
Keep Personal Things to Yourself
There is an art to communicating with a man. It’s a back-and-forth, a slow revealing of information, and chemistry unfolds over time.
When talking to a man, it’s best not to share:
- How many men you’ve been intimate with
- When was the last time you were physical with someone
- How much money you make
- How many degrees you have
- Things you’re not confident about
- That you’re taking a break from being intimate with men
You’re not required to reveal sensitive information about yourself. In fact, let him ask you about yourself rather than volunteering information.
This approach helps you in five main ways:
- You learn more about him in a shorter period of time, which allows you to know sooner if you want to date him
- Keep sensitive information private to protect yourself
- You find out how curious he is to learn about you, your life, and what’s important to you
- You show up differently from other women, who usually tell a lot of their personal business
- You come off a bit mysterious to him, which can be enchanting
This isn’t intended to manipulate a man. It’s being cautious, slowly letting him get to know you, and it allows you to learn more about him, faster.
Exercise: Don’t talk about things with him that you wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about with one of your close uncles or your brother.
Talk Much Less Than He Does
John came into the office every day, and he sat down at his desk.
He worked on his computer for 8 hours. Then he went home.
None of his colleagues knew much about him.
He was quiet and kept to himself. One of his colleagues called him a “cold fish”.
Then Stacy joined their team.
She was friendly, outgoing, and talked to everyone.
In meetings she would crack jokes, and over several weeks, John started laughing at her jokes.
He warmed up to her and would occasionally stop by her desk to chat.
Those chats turned into quick walks to the vending machine where they discussed office politics and the news.
Then they started taking afternoon breaks to go to the cafeteria together for snacks, where they talked even more.
Stacy single-handedly helped John do a complete turnaround so that he became talkative and friendly within the group.
John was a happily married man with a child. There was no attraction between them, just good vibes.
Years later, John and Stacy keep in touch, even though they don’t work together anymore.
Why is this important?
Because even quiet, shy, or closed off men will open up, become vulnerable, and connect with you, if you put these tips in action.
Speak less, listen more, and actively engage them in deep conversation that they enjoy. You should be able to almost repeat every single thing that you learned about him in a conversation. (You’d be surprised how little this happens, especially for men.)
Most men have not had the opportunity for someone to simply sit, listen, and learn them as a person. It is a gift, and it will be greatly rewarded (when you find the right guy).
Some women do this only with men they’re interested in. But it’s a muscle you build over time, and it comes in handy when you meet a good guy.
It allows you to focus solely on them, learn details about their life, and create a bond. Those are the women that serious men fall in love with.
Exercise: Try talking only 20% – 30% of the time when speaking with people, and let them talk 70% – 80% of the time, learning as much as you can about them.
5. Offer Unexpected Value to Him
Dawn went to a networking event in a popular restaurant in downtown Washington, DC.
There were lots of professional men there – with suits on.
She stood by herself looking at the crowd. There was a cute guy she was checking out the whole night.
He sat down by himself at a table and ordered dinner.
As Dawn stood relaxed in the corner with her drink, the cute guy got up, walked over, and invited her to sit with him.
She thanked him and walked over to sit next to him (melting on the inside and trying to keep her composure).
They talked about career, dating, travel, and her recent move to the DC area. He shared with her that he was looking to transition into a new job.
At the end of the night, he asked for her contact information to keep in touch.
To let him know that she wanted to support him in getting a new position, she sent him a helpful document that she had created for her own successful job search.
He was surprised that she thought about him and expressed gratitude for her sending it.
The moral is to bring value to a man you’re interested in to help him succeed in his personal goals. (In fact, have this attitude with virtually anyone you meet.)
If you think of ways to contribute to a man, it lets him know that you care more about than just having a relationship. He knows that you specifically care about his growth.
Some women focus on a man’s job, career, and who pays on the first date, instead of truly connecting to and adding value to a man.
If you do this, you will be rare in the busy dating pool.
Be memorable beyond your good looks.
Real men want more than beauty. They want someone they can build a life with and be an asset to them (just like women do).
Exercise: Think about 2 – 3 soft skills that you do very well that could contribute to a man’s health, wealth, career, or quality of living.
Bonus Tip: Be Different
When they ask you out for a first date, just do coffee. Or meet them at the bar and get sparkling water.
There is a lot of debate and vitriol about where a man should take a woman out to dinner.
Surprise him by getting to know him over the phone, having several conversations first, then meet up for a beverage for the first few dates.
Also, if it turns out that it’s not a match,you won’t feel that you owe him anything.
For example, I went out with a guy who made about 30% of my income, but I didn’t care. He seemed nice and respectful.
We talked on the phone a few times, and I agreed to meet him at a restaurant for our first date.
I ate at home before I went on the date with him so that I didn’t have to order dinner.
We sat at the bar for happy hour. He ordered two mixed drinks, and I ordered a glass of water (which there was no charge for).
He was shocked about my order.
Based on our phone conversations and the first date, I knew he wasn’t a match.
At the end of the date, he asked for the check. I offered to split the bill with him, and he refused.
But he said, “You could cover the tip if you want”.
I gladly took out a few bucks to pay the tip and left.
The point is, he didn’t have to think about whether I would pay, if I expected him to pay, or would we split the bill.
It made the night easier for both of us.
There are lots of ways to be different from other women on the dating scene. Do what works for you while also being authentic to who you are.
Conclusion
You don’t have to be the most beautiful woman in the room—just the most magnetic.
Love happens by chance. And you improve your chances of getting a first date the more often you get approached. You will get approached more often when you follow these simple tips outlined in this post.
These are the exact steps I use, even though I’m not hot and an introvert, to get guys to ask for my number, virtually every time I go out.
Most of all, confidence is the secret sauce. When you own your space, people naturally want to be around you. Get out there and make real connections.
>>> Comment below, which tip will you try? Which one stands out to you most?
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